Since I started blogging, I have done a few posts about my circle of friends (read here) however I have always tried to be sugar coating-ly careful about my real thoughts on the subject.
After reading a bloggers post on the matter called Thumberlina Lillie, she literally is my role model as she is so honest. And I agree with everything she has to say about friendships and how she chopped and changed (her words not mine lol) her friendship group as she grew older and how she said it was most definitely for the best!
It most certainly isn’t something to wallow about but something to rejoice! – Megan Lillie
Thumbelina says that she began to notice that the people closest to her were the ones that were never happy for any achievements she made and weren’t proud of anything she accomplished. So in her words ‘I put my foot down and slowly but surely started to filter those people out’. DAMN RIGHT!
I’m sure many other parents as well as mine have said this to their daughters in the past, as my mum and dad on numerous occasions certainly said this to me. That as you grow up, your circle of friends does shrink, them best friends you had in school/uni etc are just known as drinking buddies. And then you’re left with the rare finds of friends that suit you in every way, and literally would go to the end of the earth for you! One of them can’t compare to a million drinking buddies that don’t give a rats arse about you.
Having a smaller friendship group means I can focus my whole attention on my closest friends, and therefore I’m a better friend to each one of them, instead of having to be a half-arsed friend to 14 other girls that don’t really care about me…(or vice versa). With now all of us working full time it is important (to me) that I balance my friends, family (boyfriend) and personal time along the week. My ‘best friend day’ is a Saturday and at least 2 times after work, we go out for either dinner or coffee, or put the world to rights over a cheeky glass of prosecco.
I think honesty and loyalty are the foundations of a good friendship, honest and loyal intentions, conversations and opinions are really everything to me. And then obviously being able to laugh and cry together, and purely enjoy each others company.
A big YES to me is being a good communicator, it might sound obsessive but I am in constant contact with my best friends, and that is just the way I like it. I’d have it no other way. Nothing is more important to me than checking up on them and having a quick convo, at work, in the morning hours, before bed time, no time of the day is too busy for them.
When I look back at my friendships, probably starting at Secondary School I sometimes think that even though I have some lovely memories as I loved Sixth Form and actually thoroughly enjoyed the last few years of High School, however I also have some seriously bad memories that I really wish I could forget. I can’t say that I went through school without any sort of bullying, I read an article this morning that talked about Girls and their Frenemies (readhere) This means bullying happening within your circle of friends. This includes things such as;
(1) The silent treatment (2) Exclusion (3) Gossip & (4) Belittling (Often hidden behind the expression ‘just joking’)
I can safely say that I have been on the back end of all 4 of those, it’s called relational aggression, this is when a circle of friends (or the ring leader) focuses on damaging a person’s sense of social place, which makes it even harder to recognise.
During this time I probably thought that I would never have a good circle of friends that appreciated me and honestly liked me. And even though it was a hard time, and it probably hurt my first years memories of school, I soon found my place with great friends, some of which I am still best friends with now.
Family are important, and I 100% know that if anything was to happen or if I needed help that my parents would be the first to help, however friends are just as important, someone on you level, your age, who has the same passion and ambitions as you helps you develop into the person you are.
After all Best Friends are the family that you get to choose. Or when you find a good bunch you need to cherish it incredibly well.
Till next time